What do you call a schizophrenic Zen Buddhist?
Someone who is at two with the universe
A student asked his Zen teacher - "If you were able to have one wish what would you wish for?"
The Zen teacher replied "To stop wishing".
A Zen master spoke to his students , "Do the opposite of whatever I say to you."
So they didn't !
Richard Gere (a well known Buddhist) goes to a hot dog stand and asks for a hot dog "Make me one with everything."
After he has paid, the vendor offers Richard his change to which he replies "change, my friend must always come from within."
Have you heard about the Buddhist hoover - it comes with no attachments.
And finally...
A Buddhist and a man from a theistic religion (not wishing to offend anybody by naming one !) went parachuting together. As they were about to jump, the Buddhist said, "If anything goes wrong... "
"Don't worry nothing bad will happen" said the other man . "But anyway if it does I know God will save me."
"No way ," said the Buddhist , " There IS no God I'm afraid - just your Essential Buddha Nature." The other man scoffed.
So eventually they both jumped out of the plane. On the way down, they both found that their chutes couldn't open."My God!" screamed the other man "Please Save me!" But he continued to fall through the air where he heard the Buddhist speak "I call upon my own Essential Buddha Nature to save me."
At this moment , a huge hand came from nowhere, cupped the Buddhist in its palm and lowered him gently to earth. The other man seeing this exclaimed , "I call upon my own Essential Buddha Nature!" Immediately another huge hand appeared, cupped the Hindu in its palm and similarly lowered him safely to earth.
"Wow - that was pretty close !" said the other man . "Thanks be to God!" whereupon the giant hand flipped over and crushed him.
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